The world keeps turning for what purpose, and to what end? We live, laugh, love, and die on this earth. Point A: the world is grass, then we built all of this stuff here until Point B: digital wasteland with your 2D, maybe even 1D girlfriend.
I’ve always felt like I was from the future, more AI than human. I remember in kindergarten we had to do a project on role models and I realized I had none—only my ideal self.
I attribute a lot my feelings to being a mixed-race person with multiple realities to deal with at once, a different accepted personality with each: home (white dad, Taiwanese mom), school (predominantly white), Chinese school (ABCs), extended family from all over plus generational differences. I am always considering the best way to cater towards a specific audience (behavioral codes, what kind of jokes to make, how to give favorable answers in each context). It is cool, but it’s also mentally taxing to be in in-between groups (this is a common feeling for people in special positions, third culture kids, etc.)
It’s hard to know what you really want when you’re always considering the best possible outcome for the masses (and obsessing over the details). I’ve realized the best choice is just to give up control.
When has a human ever really known what is going on? Each group has a different set of norms, none of which are fully right or wrong. We can argue back and forth about whether an issue is right or wrong, but how could a human, no matter how old, intelligent, cultured, affluent, etc. possibly know? We can back things up by science all day long, but this is human knowledge (which definitely serves a purpose but we are also sensitive and easily deceived). We have the technology to do so much, but we can only see 1% of the light spectrum. Human world aside, how can we know the true energetic consequences of our thoughts and actions?
No single person (or married person) is perfect. People are wonderful, but I really believe you cannot look fully to another human to solve all your problems. You cannot ask a piano “what is your purpose?”, you must play it to understand for yourself, or ask its creator.
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